Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
