All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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