dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
