I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
