I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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