somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
