the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
