once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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