I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
