I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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