she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
