Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
