she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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