Already got asked if we're dating
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
