The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
