Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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