if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
