Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
