I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
