you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
