I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
