there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
