:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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