see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
