I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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