Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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