hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
