arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I understand Curling. That high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
