It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
