bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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