I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
