I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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