Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
