you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
