Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
