There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
