i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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