Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
