I have demons in me.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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