So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
