Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
