We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
