Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
