just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
