who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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