Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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