Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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