Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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