I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
