dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
