Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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