Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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