he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
