i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
