mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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